


A Monarch's War

by loveandwar007



Series: Monarchs of Mewni [13]
Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 16:32:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17206946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveandwar007/pseuds/loveandwar007
Summary: Years ago, the rebel princess never sat tight. But today, the benevolent queen is forced to learn the value of patience when a tragic battle leaves scars on her beloved that aren't visible to the eye, but are felt so painfully in the mind and soul.





	A Monarch's War

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I am incredibly sorry for my lengthy absence this year. Not only was I busy from June to September, but I spiraled into a severe bout of depression in the latter half of the year that hasn't exactly abated, but is at least a bit more tolerable for now. Couple that with anxiety at not getting anything done because of my depression, and I was sort of a mess. But I made a promise to myself to get something done before the end of the year, so here is that something. 
> 
> I'm glad you guys are still here reading, and I hope you enjoy this one.

Rain pelted down on the land of Mewni in gushes worthy of a monsoon, caring nothing for the lone figure making her way to the Magic Sanctuary of the Queens. Half blinded by the storm and sporting multiple minor wounds through the cracks in her armor, Queen Star fought her way through the mud with a twisted ankle. Gritting her teeth, she dragged herself to the edge of the swamp, praying that at least one crocodile guardian would be near the surface in this awful weather.

Luckily it hadn’t gotten this bad until after the battle with the centaurs — a group Star had underestimated in how territorial they were about their colony. It had been far from her intention to engage in combat with them, but the stubborn herd had chosen to assert themselves in a surprise attack on Butterfly Castle. Breaching its very walls, the queen had instantly ordered a mass evacuation while King Marco rallied the troops out into the night. The foggy mist turned out to be both a blessing and a curse, in that the castle staff was able to flee by way of dimensional scissors undercover, yet proved elusive to the army in locating their four-legged aggressors.

The sudden dire situation had forced Star and Marco to split up, each of them taking half of the troops and hoping things would not worsen to the point where they would have to call on reinforcements from the Cloud or Lucitor Kingdoms. For Star’s regiment, it had taken weeks of offensive strategies and pushback until they had managed to reinforce their borders. As appeared to be customary, all Star had to do was show them her full golden form and the memory of what had happened to Toffee and countless other adversaries to the Butterflys sprang freshly back to the centaurs’ minds.

Now here the almighty warrior queen was, stumbling directly from the war zone, wiping blood from her shoulder, abdomen and thighs as a skinny crocodile finally peeked its head out of the rippling water to meet her. She expelled the bizarre passcode from deep within her gut, and despite the blinding sideways spray of rain, Star could see the white stepping stones rising out of the water leading the way to the dome-shaped temple. Of course, there was no way she could have housed all of the castle in here, which was why scissors had been handed out to escape to one of Mewni’s sister dimensions. This place, however, held the king and queen’s most precious treasure that they could never allow to be harmed: Their baby girl, Pandora.

The numbness of battle mode was starting to drain from Star’s mind by the time she entered the Sanctuary. With a bit of her own magic, she had converted it into a safehouse for her family and loved ones, in case such a castle invasion occurred putting them all in danger. And further inside the ancient tomb was a small nursery just for the little princess, equipped also with two cot beds for Star’s twin ladies-in-waiting, Aurora and Astra.

“Queen Star!” Astra gasped, then covered her mouth with her hands to stifle the volume of her voice, glancing over at Pandora asleep in the crib. “Y-you’re back. But I thought—”

“We’ve pushed them back, for now at least,” Star whispered, whipping off her bloodstained armor gloves and tossing them into a corner. “They’re out of Butterfly range, and with so many down they may not be able to regroup at all.” Her jaw set tightly, “But I’m not taking any chances.” She refused to. Not until Marco’s regiment had returned and was reported safe. Still, _still_ there was no word, and at any moment she was going to go crazy with worry.

“Should we stay here then?” Aurora asked, giving the heart and star mobile over Pandora’s crib a precautionary spin, releasing a spell to help the toddler sleep deeply.

“We’ll have to inspect the entire castle and make sure there are no rogue soldiers hiding out before I let my daughter back in there.” Star held up a hand, and Aurora immediately stopped twisting the mobile. “Please. I wanna see my baby.”

“Of course,” the longer-haired twin nodded, stepping aside as the queen approached. Slowly letting out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding, Star glanced down at her sweet girl: Dark brown waves of hair against beige skin, crimson spade emblems against velvety cheeks, and closed unflinching eyes. A part of her didn’t want to wake her, but another much stronger part that had been away for weeks was desperate to hold her again.

Letting out the last of her air in what sounded like a sob, Star reached down to hoist Pandora out of the crib and envelope her against her chest. Her warm little body and tiny beating heart made the queen’s own heart swell nearly to bursting. This was it. This was what she fought for, as her own mother had fought for her so many years ago. Her future, so that Pandora might live to carry on the legacy Star had inherited and molded for the good of all.

“Mama?” If Star hadn’t already been weeping silently, the coo of Pandora’s sleepy voice would have surely done her in. Little fingers felt for the stiff fabric of her golden armor dress, then the matted frizzy locks of her blonde hair hanging down her front. Clear blue eyes identical to her own peered up at her, getting wider by the moment. “M-Mama back?”

“Yes, yes honey,” Star choked out, hugging her closer to hide her tears in her hair. “I’m back. Everything’s okay now.” It was a lie, it was _such_ a lie. But it was the only shred of comfort she had to offer. “I missed you, Pandi. I missed you so much.”

“Miss you, Mama…” Pandora whimpered, emptying her tears onto her mother’s shoulder as the little hands clung to her neck. “I go too.”

“No baby, you’re not going out there,” Star shuddered at the thought, rocking her in place. “Not ‘til you’re older anyway.” Opening her eyes, she smiled fondly down at the blankets and plushies in the crib laying forgotten. “Looks like you found the dolls you thought you lost.”

“Ast-a find,” Pandora brightened, pointing over Star’s shoulder at the younger twin.

“They were behind the dresser in the castle nursery,” Astra explained. “She wouldn’t leave without ‘Mama and Papa.’”

“Thank corn you were able to find them then.” A fleeting image of Pandora being killed in her crib because she threw a tantrum and wouldn’t go to the Sanctuary, all over a pair of dolls, nearly made Star sick. Looking down at the plush figure of herself as a teen princess beside Plush Marco’s lanky form in his old red hoodie, a psychological thought worthy of her husband’s thesis popped into her head. Perhaps this was her baby girl’s way of holding onto the hope of her parents coming back home, by _literally_ holding them. She sighed deeply again, realizing that right now only half of her wish had come true.

“Papa…” Pandora reached down trying to grab for the Marco doll, and Star retrieved it swiftly, placing it into her daughter’s hands nestled between the two of them. “Where Papa?”

Star’s chest tightened. “H-he’s coming. Soon.” _Where are they, dammit?_

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.” What else could she say that wouldn’t terrorize her child? How on Mewni did Aurora and Astra manage to keep her comforted when they were _both_ gone, unsure of their return? How, without telling even more desperate lies?

“I hold Papa,” Pandora mused to herself, crushing the Marco plush to her chest and burrowing against Star. “Then Papa home.”

“I hope you’re right,” Star muttered so that only she and the twins heard. And the tracking spell on her wand remained silent. One of the last spells her mother had taught her. _What good is that spell if he’s—?!_

She dashed the thought from her mind before it could fully form. If something happened to Marco, she would feel it. She was sure of it, being bonded to him and all. He was just busy. So busy. Too busy to drop his wife a quick _“Hey, I’m okay”_ apparently.

“The King was stationed with Captain Higgs, right?” Astra piped up, and Star turned to her with softening eyes.

“Yeah, but I haven’t heard anything,” she said quietly, setting Pandora back down in her crib with her dolls. She knew of Astra and Higgs’ history together, and despite the bad note it had all ended on, it was still natural for her to fret over someone she had once held dear.

“It’s alright,” the handmaiden shrugged, smiling bravely. “She’s put in dangerous situations all the time. Comes with the territory.” Gathering up the empty bottles and sippy cups from the dresser, Astra handed them to Star gingerly. “I’m afraid we’re just about out of food for Her Highness.”

“I’ll go check the castle tomorrow,” Star waved her hand off wearily. “If they’ve taken all the food, I’ll send word out to the farmers. She won’t go hungry.” Vending machine food would sustain herself and the girls, but it was out of the question for a baby. Reflexively, like it was an obsession, she pushed the redial button on her dented and stained compact phone, squeezing the speakerphone button as she listened to the five taunting rings.

_“Hey, it’s Marco. Leave a message and—”_

“Ugh!” Star groaned, slamming it shut and shoving it back into her skirt pocket. “What are you _doing,_ Diaz?!” Biting the inside of her cheek, she whipped around as Pandora stirred in alarm. But she flashed her a quick smile of feigned assurance, which allowed the princess to relax against her pillows.

“I’m sure he’s alright, My Lady,” Aurora said gently, sitting down beside Star who had collapsed onto the pale blue loveseat, pressing her hand to her forehead. “He must be doing something important if he can’t even get to his phone.”

“I know you’re right, but I still...I can’t help thinking that if anything happens to him, it’s my fault.” It had always been like this, ever since they were young. In a way, Star blamed herself for this life of adventure and danger Marco was in now, since she had been the one to thrust him into it in the first place. It was one of the few secrets she had never told him, as Star knew deep down that her guilt was misplaced. And frankly, pretty stupid.

“Rest now, Your Majesty,” Aurora insisted, removing Star’s boots from her feet as Astra brought over hot water in a bowl and a towel to clean her wounds. “He will contact you when he can. Plus, he’s with Captain Higgs and Lieutenant Kelly.”

“He could not be in better company,” Astra added while finishing her work, laying a blanket over Star’s cold battle-worn form.

“Yeah, I know...” Star sighed out, already feeling fatigue overtake her like the undertow of a wave sweeping her away. Leaning her head back, she shut her eyes, watching the frightening images from the battlefield play behind her eyelids. Only Marco was there too, taking hit after hit, screaming in pain, yet he still kept going…

 _That’s my boy,_ she thought, her heart growing warm in her chest. If anyone could make it through this period of strife, he could.

 

* * *

 

Pacing. That was practically all Star had done since the official move back into the castle. Even with her ankle in a brace, she refused to sit still until order had been restored. It had been sixty hours since Star had returned, and the rest of her regiment was growing more anxious by the moment, asking her every hour if she had heard from King Marco or Captain Higgs.

“No,” she said shortly, before a tall broad female soldier who had approached her could open her mouth. “I promise I’ll let you all know the second I receive word.” Accepting a tall glass of water from Geoffery the chamberlain, she stared at the front doors and sipped noisily, as if she could will Marco through them with her eyes alone.

“I can personally vouch for the king’s leadership!” called a gruff voice from the crowd of troops. “He’s a master strategist.”

“Which means nothing if there was a surprise attack,” came a snobbish woman’s tone. “I’ve seen him flounder far too many times when the call to improvise is at hand.”

“Well even where he falls short, Captain Higgs picks up the slack. Which she’s never afraid to rub in his face!”

A roar of laughter sent a ripple of alleviation through the front hall, and for the moment Star forgave them for laughing at her husband’s expense if it meant the tension dissipated for a time. To be fair, they weren’t wrong.

The sound of trumpets rang muffled behind the heavy oak doors of the castle, becoming deafening once they opened at last. Sure enough, a tired, dirty and very quiet regiment of soldiers was making its way up the drawbridge. The laughter instantly died and Geoffery dropped his remaining glasses in shock.

“They’re back!” he cried out, and Star was the first to rush towards them, unable to wait a second longer. She moved swiftly, her feet barely touching the ground as if gliding through a dream, Geoffery and two of his underlings moving aside before she collided with them. Every iota of her focus was on the man at the head of the returning troops, hardly the broadest or tallest of them. In fact, despite his best efforts, he was still among the scrawniest in the Mewnian army. But it had never mattered. He was perfect for her.

“Marco…” A ghostly call of his name wafted from her lips like a breeze, her hands outstretched to physically feel his presence the moment she was near enough. Mud splattered his dark grey armor, bits of shrapnel having left dents in the polished metal, his gloves shredded to reveal fingers caked in dried blood. Star couldn’t see the warm eyes she had been deprived of, for they were hidden beneath his thick dark chocolate bangs. His head was bowed, holding his sword by the hilt so it was parallel with his legs, legs that seemed to quiver with each step. At last, her fingers grazed him and she pulled her king towards her, rubbing her palms over the tangible evidence that he was here and home safe and sound.

“Oh thank _corn,”_ Star shuddered out, her arms gripping him around the neck in the tightest embrace she could muster, her nose pressed into his skin to inhale that sweet cinnamon scent of his. “You’re here…you’re here…” Through short heavy sighs, she began a line of kisses from the crook of his neck up to his jaw, intending to end at his lips when something made her stop cold. Marco was just standing there, still as a statue, impervious to his wife’s arms, lips, and tears falling against his skin. With a loud clatter, the sword in his hands slipped away and fell to the floor.

“Captain Higgs is dead.” He whispered it in her ear, but there was no need, for every soldier knew what their king and general had uttered. Dozens of faces were wrought with anguish, helmets were removed to take a knee as a sign of respect. Lieutenant Kelly tucked her own helmet under her arm, her jaw trembling as tears hanging from her chin shook free to patter like rain onto her breastplate.

“No…” Star shook her head, every fiber of her being telling her it was a lie, and yet every face in that hall confirming its truth. The captain of the Butterfly army, the woman handpicked by Star to work alongside Marco in maintaining the troops, the toughest most driven individual she had ever known...gone just like that. It was unfathomable. But Marco’s hanging head, shaking limbs, and the hollow rasp of his voice were so uncharacteristic that it scared Star into believing the dreaded statement.

“Yes. I saw everything.”

A million words spun around in Star’s mind so fervently that she couldn’t even string two of them together. Tears of sorrow flowed to replace those of relief as she clutched Marco to her, stroking his hair as if it would soothe the terrors of his soul. More quiet sobs joined hers in that near silent front hall, including Geoffery’s, Kelly’s, and of course Astra’s, clinging to her twin with her face twisted into distress, far from her typically genial features.

“I should have been there,” Star finally said, prompting many of the troops to shake their heads. “No — there’s no excuse, I should have gone with you—”

“Then who would have protected the southern borders?” came the booming voice of one burly guard. “It would not have mattered, Your Majesty, it was a massacre. Look how few of us have returned.”

“But if I was there, I could have—”

“You could have died,” Kelly barely warbled out. “In fact, you probably _would_ have. Higgs saw our numbers dwindling, she knew if she didn’t act fast we’d all be obliterated. She...she couldn’t allow the King of Mewni to be killed.”

This struck Star directly to the core, and she gave a slow nod before sinking back into Marco’s embrace. Except there was no embrace. His arm was around her waist to keep her from falling or the force of her hug from knocking the two of them over, but that was it. He remained motionless with his head hung low, the only sign of life coming from the slight rise and fall of his shoulders.

“Marco?” She lifted shaking fingers to his cheek and brushed her lips against his. Nothing. He was alive, his blinking confirmed that, but it was as if a mannequin of Marco had replaced the real man. He wouldn’t look at her, he wouldn’t kiss her.

And for the first time in fifteen years, Marco didn’t hug her back.

 

* * *

  

“I, um, don’t think we’re gonna make it there this month, Angie,” Star said into her compact phone, her head bent at an awkward angle to hold it between her ear and shoulder as she tried to balance a stack of proposals in her hands. “Things have gotten a little crazy here.”

 _“Is everything alright?”_ Angie Diaz asked, her voice full of concern. _“Is it Pandi?”_

“No no, Pandi’s perfectly fine,” Star assured her. “It’s just — you know, we had that mini war and we’re still recouping our losses, that sorta thing.” The only time Star had ever lied this much before was to herself, and that was a long time ago. Doing it to other people was harder, and it hurt so much worse.

It wasn’t a complete lie. Pandora _was_ fine. As fine as a two-year-old could be when her father, who was normally so kind and affectionate, remained cold and distant. And Star was fine too, of course. She had been more productive in the past weeks than ever before, breaking her mother’s previous record for going the most hours without sleep. It was easy when she was determined to keep her mind off the fact that Marco had practically become brain dead. And that going to her bed would mean another painful night with his back to her. 

Four weeks. That was how long it had been since Higgs’ funeral, and even then he hadn’t said a word. Star had given the eulogy, as fumbling as it was. But everyone was still in such grief-stricken shock that they didn’t seem to care. Then Marco had gone to their bedchambers, where he stayed for seven whole days. He only ate one meal each day, and even then he never finished his plate. Sometime later, he was seen taking long walks in the garden alone, or leaving on his dragon cycle and not returning for hours that often bled into days. He never asked for company, in fact he barely even spoke to his wife and daughter. And when he did, it was usually a one-word response or head shake to a matter Star needed his input on. He would force a feeble smile at Pandora and did his part in changing her diapers, but his hugs and kisses were gone. Every scrap of life that made Marco — well, _Marco_ — had disappeared, leaving this empty shell in its wake. Like the battlefield had taken him as well as Higgs.

That was why Star had to postpone their trip to Earth, as much as it pained her to. But the less Angie and Rafael knew about their son’s current state, the better.

_“Okay, well tell Marco to give us a call when he gets a chance. And tell Pandi that Nana misses her.”_

“I will,” Star said in a voice of feigned cheer, dumping the stack onto her desk to grab the slipping phone with her hand. “You guys take care, and we’ll let you know when we’ll be back next.” 

They hung up and Star went behind her desk to the glass doors leading out to the balcony of her study. The inky blue sky was clear, every one of the four moons outlined sharply with twinkling stars illuminating the crisp night air. It was so huge, so infinite, and the powerful warrior queen felt so small facing it alone. With Marco beside her, she always felt she could be as invincible as she believed herself to be. But tonight was another dragon cycle night, and without knowing when he would return, Star found herself in solitude again. 

She didn’t understand it. There was nothing she and Marco couldn’t talk through, nothing they couldn’t solve if they teamed up as they always had. In fact it was usually _him_ trying to get _her_ to divulge what was making her so despondent. Having the roles reversed left Star dealing with some very unfamiliar territory for a woman who never sat tight. She knew what it was, obviously. Watching Higgs get killed had left him shaken, but so much so that he was not reaching out to anyone. And Star couldn’t comprehend why. 

_“I think Kelly should be promoted.” She had glanced out the corner of her eye, waiting for Marco to meet her gaze. But he remained in bed, turning his head towards the balcony so he could watch the rising sun. He had once said he could stare at her longer than any sunrise. Today, not so much._

_“Marco? What do you think?”_  

 _“Sure, I agree.” And that was all._  

_Star bit down hard on her quivering lip. “W-well let me know if you change your mind. Let me know…”_

_Anything._  

That was almost two days ago, the last time she saw him before she returned to find the chambers empty, and the stable boy reporting to her that Nachos was gone as well. His phone was shut off, but she had left him fifty voicemails anyway. As hard as she tried to function normally, Marco’s absence both physically and mentally was straining her to the breaking point. Whatever ordeal he had suffered in his regiment when Higgs perished, it was destroying him from the inside out.

Star had to figure out what was going on with him. Not just for his sake, but for the good of her kingdom and family. And if she and Pandora couldn’t break through to him, then she was running out of options to try without worrying his parents. 

However, there was still one person she hadn’t tried yet.

 

* * *

 

No sooner had the queen of Mewni entered Lucitor Castle than she dropped Pandora into Lily’s playpen and made a beeline for the demon king and sorceress queen’s private parlor. Unlike the bright inviting tea room Star and Marco had, this one was bathed in the blood red and black theme of the rest of the palace, shelves full of potion bottles instead of drinking glasses, and a cozy velvet couch instead of a cafe table set for two. It was clear Tom and Janna liked to get quite intimate during their breaks throughout the day, although far be it for Star to judge her friends’ lifestyle.

“Slow down,” Janna said as Star bolted into the room the moment she opened the door. Although she was dressed in a casual sweater, skirt and kneehigh socks, Janna still sported expertly painted black nails and a face full of contoured makeup. It made her look intimidating no matter the occasion, which was exactly how she liked it. 

“Where’s Tom?” Star asked, her eyes frantically darting around the room.

“In a meeting. He said he’ll get here as soon as he can.” Pointing her finger towards the counter, a mug of hot liquid levitated over to the Mewnian queen and dropped into her hands. “So, no improvement I’m guessing?” 

“Would I be ripping my hair out like this if there was?” The cup rattled in her grip like the rattling in her brain of every possible thing that could be wrong with Marco, terms she had looked up and gone over and over again, even digging into Marco’s own psychology library he kept in a corner of his study. Nothing and nobody had been able to get through to him. 

Janna lowered herself onto the couch, gesturing for Star to sit next to her. “If you’re that desperate, I could whip up a Code P brew for him.” She rolled her eyes when Star looked puzzled. “It’s basically an antidepressant. I chugged a _ton_ of it after Lily was born—”

“Wha — no, I don’t wanna _drug_ him, Janna, I wanna talk to him!” Star cried out, setting the mug down on the coffee table harder than she meant to. As talented and powerful as her sorceress friend was, it felt like Janna was almost deluded by the impression that there was a spell or potion for everything. “This is just….way more complicated than you think. We lost Higgs a month ago and he’s still in the same funk he was the day he returned with her body. And honestly, I was hoping Tom might have some ideas, ‘cause I’m just about out of them.”

Janna snorted, “Tom’s not exactly the king of empathy. I mean, this is a guy who didn’t learn ‘til he was fifteen that screaming and throwing a demon tantrum isn’t how you get your way.” Opening her palm, she telekinetically slid another cup into her own hand and raised it to her lips. “But having spent many a long night giving Tom the cold shoulder, he’s surprisingly caught onto something that you haven’t yet.”

“What’s that?” 

“Let him come to you.” 

Now it was Star’s turn to snort, more out of derision than humor. “If I wait that long, Pandi’ll be in college by then. I need a real solution _now.”_

“And this is why you and Tom didn’t work out,” the Lucitor queen smirked, watching in amusement as Star’s brow creased. “You’re too much alike.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Star snapped.

“Well, the short-tempered thing, for one,” Janna remarked, and Star closed her mouth quickly at being called out. “And that you both freak out when you can’t find a quick fix.” 

“I’m not expecting a quick fix, but I am expecting _something_ after a month of silence!”

“Didn’t you just go through the same war he did?” her friend scoffed impatiently. “Saw a bunch of people die, and you couldn’t do anything to save them? That stuff sticks with people, and they go through it in different ways.” She took a long dramatic slurp of her tea, as if purposefully giving Star time to let that sink in. “You’re a ‘bounce back quickly’ kinda person. Like, even if something’s still causing you pain, you find it easier to push through it than Marco does.”

“That’s not true,” Star mumbled quietly.

“You were laying down the ground plans for a new subdivision two days after your mom’s wake.”

“Okay, point taken — but this still doesn’t make sense.” Star moaned, gripping her hair at her scalp as her head dropped on the table between her elbows. “Marco’s tackled so much since I’ve known him, and he always comes out of it stronger than ever. He’s seen me at death’s door a _few_ times. So why did this of all things just...just break him?”

There was no other way to describe it: Marco was broken. And if Star didn’t fix this fast, her Marco, the one she knew and loved more than anything else in the universe, would be gone forever. 

“Sorry — sorry I’m late,” came the sound of Tom’s voice before he even entered the room, sweeping across the floor in his day tunic and cape before plopping down on Janna’s other side. “Stupid meeting ran over, all this bull about draining a lava swamp.” He pouted to his wife, “It’s too stressful. I need my Lily fix.”

“She’s playing with Pandora — and besides, you’ve got bigger problems right now.” Janna pointed to Star, who was struggling to breathe deeply and calm her restless thoughts.

“Marco’s still in a funk?” Tom asked her, a note of worry in his voice that had been absent from Janna’s tone.

“I’m desperate.”

“You’d have to be if you’re coming to _me_ for advice,” the demon king chortled, but Star couldn’t have been further from humored. “Alright sorry. But from what you told me over the mirror phone, the best thing you can do right now is wait it out. Let him come to you.”

Star blinked in disbelief. “Is there an echo in here?” Janna just gave her a _‘told you so’_ nod and she growled, turning back to Tom. “Look, I need you to come and talk to him. You’re his best friend.” 

“Star, if he won’t talk to you, then he’s not gonna talk to me.” There was an infuriating calm washed over both Lucitors’ faces, and it was driving Star up the wall.

“You’re not even gonna _try?!”_  

“I don’t want him to push me away and shut me out, and I don’t think you want that either!” Tom shouted over her, curling his long nails into a fist. “Look, I know how you feel. Janna went through some major postpartum depression—” 

“This is _not the same thing,”_ Star spat out in an exasperated hiss, pressing her fingers to her temples. “Janna still went around and functioned like a normal person.”

“Janna’s sitting right here!” Janna cried out, flinging her arms wide in annoyance.

“Marco is, like, a zombie. No that doesn’t work, zombies at least moan and stuff — Marco’s like a mime, except not as fun.”

“Star, you gotta chill for two seconds,” Janna coaxed her, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Is Marco harming himself?”

Star shook her head.

“Does he ever leave for longer than a few days?”

“No.” 

“Then let him be,” Tom finished for her. “It’s hard when you have your first big loss in battle, and this was your captain of the guard. Knowing him, Marco’s probably feeling like a gigantic failure.” 

“What?” Star squeaked out, her expression softening a bit. “N-no, of course he’s not. How could he think that?”

“We all know it’s not true, but you know how Marco gets something in his head and that’s all he can fixate on for weeks,” Janna droned on, only now seeming slightly less bored by the proceedings.

The queen felt herself deflating, every hope she had entered Lucitor Castle with completely eradicated. “So that’s it? You really have nothing?”

“Star,” Tom began, recognizing her heightened stress when her jaw clenched, her knuckles around the teacup turning white. “I’m sorry this is happening. But if it makes you feel any better, it won’t last forever. I promise.” 

“How do you know that?!” Star shouted, leaping up from her seat and slamming her cup down on the coffee table. “Just because you two think you’re the experts on mental health doesn’t mean you know what’s going on inside Marco’s head!”

“And just because you’re his wife doesn’t mean you do either!” Tom yelled back, Janna scowling deeply beside him.

“I know him better than anyone, and I _know_ something’s wrong. And if you two aren’t gonna do a thing for him — when Marco would bend over backwards for both of you — then we have nothing else to discuss here!”

“Fine, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out,” Janna spat, crossing her legs and sipping from her cup, her erected middle finger pointed in Star’s direction.

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t!” She stalked towards the door without so much as a thank you, purposefully deaf to Tom’s angry call of her name. Collecting Pandora from Lily’s playpen, and icily ignoring her cries of protest at her play date abruptly ending, Star bounded out to her awaiting carriage and told the driver to step on it.

“Should’ve just made the damn potion,” Janna snarled at the closed door before she yanked Tom’s arm and pulled him into the main hall.

 

* * *

 

It took Star a couple of days to cool down, and in that couple of days Marco had returned to the castle, parking Nachos in the stables with the warnicorns. As had become the norm, she spoke to him but he seldom spoke back, and the two of them silently went about their duties. It was getting to the point where she was considering putting a babbling spell on him, but even to her that felt like cheating. This had been going on too long and it was becoming torture. She had used to pride herself on the fact that she knew her husband inside and out, but lately she wasn’t so sure about that.

Once Pandora was tucked in bed that evening, Star let Aurora and Astra know she herself was going out and wouldn’t be back until late. “I would tell the King, but I doubt he’d care,” she had grumbled, earning sympathetic looks from the twins. Awaiting her in the carriage downstairs were the flowers she had ordered, and she rode off first to the graveyard near the battlefield. Higgs’ headstone was the largest of the lot, so much so that Star’s bouquet was minuscule by comparison. Nevertheless, she knelt for a moment in silence, wishing that this had never happened, and mourning the fact that it had.

Clutching a second bunch of white flowers to her chest, Star stared out the window of the carriage and watched the sun set as she made her next much longer trek. While having told him that she was coming ahead of time, she still felt like she was intruding on her father’s evening at home. But she truly didn’t know where else to turn at this point. She was wearied. Tired of fighting, tired of trying to trick Marco into talking, and distressed that her closest friends had been unable to help her. She hadn’t attempted to contact Tom and Janna after that day, and now she was too embarrassed to try.

Sorrow settled over her like the dark curtain being draped over the sky as evening fell, leaning her head against the window frame as the carriage bumped along briskly. She missed Marco. His touch, his kiss, the warmth of his voice, his council and his comfort, his strength and his love. Everything was lost to Star, and now she was beginning to fear she might never get it back. Pandora would lose her father, and Star would lose the one person she could never live without. It was unbearable.

Her vision was clouded with tears by the time she exited the carriage, finding the headstone outside the retirement castle at her arrival. Half of Moon’s stardust was housed in the Queens’ Mausoleum, but since the other half resided with her widower, it was only fitting that a second grave be placed at his home. Setting the flowers down, Star dropped to her knees and kissed the cold grey stone bearing her mother’s name before wrapping her arms around it and holding it tight. It was where River found her when he went out to meet her, and she reluctantly let go to follow him inside. She didn’t immediately bombard him like she had with the Lucitors — no, that hadn’t gotten her anywhere. Answers were not what she had come to seek this time.

Right now, what Star needed was a hug. Which was a need her father was always ready to provide. So once they settled on the parlor couch, she immediately curled onto his lap, latching her arms around his pudgy middle and resting her cheek on his elongated beard, now looking more grey than blond.

“My sweetie,” River crooned when he heard her sniffle, his hand smoothing down her silky gold tresses. “You need to slow down, rest your mind after that castle invasion. Why don’t you bring the family here for a little while? Relax, go to the beach—”

“Sorry, Daddy,” Star mumbled sadly. “I know you’re lonely here all by yourself, and I hate that I don’t come often enough. But I can’t rest until I have Marco back. You know, the way he was.” 

“Star,” her father began patiently. “Do you remember right after your mother died, you wanted me to move back into Butterfly Castle with you?”

“Yeah. But you said ‘no’.”

“And it’s not because I felt it would be a burden. I know that place is so huge you could go days without seeing me.” He paused, clearing his throat. “It was because I hadn’t had any peace since her passing. You and Marco and Pandora had been here and...I needed time to myself.” 

“Poppa, I’m always so worried about leaving you,” the queen whimpered. “Everything, like the wallpaper and the flower vases, the perfume smell in the bedroom — so much of Mom is still here. You’re constantly surrounded by her.”

“And often it makes me very sad,” River admitted. “But it’s — well, it’s something I must face on my own.”

Star groaned, “And now you’re gonna tell me Marco has to face whatever’s up with him alone, too. Right?”

“There you go rushing into things again,” he chuckled not unkindly, hugging her a bit closer. “A girl after my own heart.” There was a stretch of silence where they sat cuddled together, listening to the gentle lap of the waves outside on the beach. Closing her eyes in the safety of her father’s arms, security she had not felt since she held her mother for the last time, Star’s hardened front melted as a few tears leaked from her eyes and rolled into his beard.

“I already lost Mom. I need to fix this ‘cause I….I can’t lose Marco, too.” She started to tremble, shaking her head rapidly. “I’ve put up with a lot, but this — I wouldn’t be able to deal with this.”

 _“Shh,_ you’re not going to lose Marco, darling,” River whispered. Star sat up at that, and he pushed the curtain of her hair aside to wipe her damp face with his thumbs. “He loves you far too much to abandon you.”

“And Pandi,” Star added, a fresh wave of tears bursting from her eyes to make dark splotches on the front of her dress. “I don’t know what to say to make her feel better. She cries every night, she misses him so much.”

“Let me ask you something: When you were in the darkest depths of your grief, from preparing for your mother’s death to after her disintegration, what was Marco doing for you?”

Star swallowed hard, that grim period still quite fresh in her mind much to her dismay. “He was...everything. He was always there. He ran the kingdom when I couldn’t get out of bed. He took care of Pandora when I fell short. And every night for weeks, he took me in his arms and held me ‘til I fell asleep. I...I never loved him more than I did when Mom died. ‘Cause I knew then that he’d pull through during the really hard times. Times when I just wasn’t me.”

 _And sweet Mewni, look at me. A pathetic follow-up act._ Her tears continued to flow, and there was nothing she could do except squeeze her father’s hand and let them. “I really messed this one up, Dad.”

“I’m sure you haven’t,” her father shook his head in refusal. “You are so kind and generous. Benevolent is your title because through it all, it has become most representative of your soul.” He smiled, “You know, our people so wanted you to be remembered as _‘the Rebellious’_ or _‘the Underestimated’._ Something that christened you as this sort of underdog who rose from the ashes to earn her throne. And in many ways, you were. But it was your mother and I, and Marco as well, who championed for your chosen coronation title. Because everything you have ever fought for, everyone you have ever cared about has all come from a place of deep selflessness that is very rare. And I couldn’t be more proud to say that my only daughter possesses that strength.”

“You’re way too nice, Dad,” Star sniffled in gratitude all the same, giving him a wet kiss on the cheek. “Actually, anyone can be nice. I feel like a real leader uses her strengths to get results. I’m not too shabby on the political front, but dealing with bumps in my marriage is killing me.”

“Welcome to the last thirty-two years of my life,” River couldn’t help chuckling. “Your grandmother’s death made your mother and I grow close, and your birth brought us closer still. But it would be untrue to say that being married to your mother was pure bliss. Often it was difficult. She would make reckless decisions without my knowledge or input, she would often hide her pain and tears from me, and that wall she placed between us caused much friction. But I loved her, and nothing could prevent me from loving her.”

He pulled Star against him once more, and she rested her head on his shoulder. “Five years as Marco’s wife may not seem like a long time. But I saw the qualities of a successful union between the two of you years before it was official. He is your life’s partner, Star. And with that partnership comes patience. If you truly love him, you will find it in your heart to be patient with him.”

“There’s no ‘if’ about it,” Star said in a stronger tone. “I love him.”

“I know you do. And if he loves you as much as I know he does, he will open his heart to you when he’s ready.” River sighed deeply as the night wore on, kissing his nearly slumbering daughter’s forehead.

“You will get your results, darling. But you cannot force them to come.”

 

* * *

 

As she suspected, Marco didn’t even ask where she had gone the night before. In fact, the only time Star heard him speak at all was at the council meeting that morning. Kelly was to be sworn in as the new Captain of the Guard that Saturday, and many council members and soldiers were rushing around in preparation for the sacred ceremony. It seemed even Marco couldn’t maintain his trauma-riddled silence in lieu of this upcoming day.

“Kelly looked pretty nauseous when I saw her today,” Star said as she got herself ready to retire, throwing her nightdress over her head and letting it flow down to her ankles. “She’s never been on the receiving end of one of these ceremonies before. I told her to relax and imagine I’m in my underwear when I’m swearing her in.” She chuckled, sweeping a glance over to Marco. Her heart did a flip flop when she saw the corners of his mouth upturn just a little.

“I’m gonna soak in the bath for a while, then I’ll come to bed.” Star gave Marco’s hair an affectionate ruffle, breezing past him as she headed for the powder room. She stopped short, gasping out loud as something grabbed hold of her hand, her knee jerk instinct being to try and tug it free. Which happened in the millisecond before she realized what — or rather who — was the culprit.

She would know the warmth and strength in those calloused fingers anywhere.

“M...Marco?” Something had changed. His brown eyes were no longer dull and dark, and though he still avoided her gaze, there was a glimmer deep within his irises. Something had ignited the wick behind the windows to his soul. Where there was once emptiness, Star now saw focus. Awareness. And most of all, profound sadness and loneliness.

 _Oh Marco, you’re back._ He had never left, and yet it had been the longest Star had been apart from him since the day they met. It was all she could do not to yell out with joy and throw herself into his lap. But that would be making this about her, like everyone had implied. A struggle played across Marco’s face like a film reel, revealing a pronounced agony that grieved Star so much that her knees weakened, causing her to sink to the mattress beside him. The bath was going to have to wait.

Marco’s lips pressed together, then relaxed, keeping his eyes straight ahead on the opposite marble wall, the grip of his fingers never laxing. His wife cradled his hand between both of hers, pressing it to her lips before holding it at her chest. The feel of her heartbeat against his knuckles caused a misty film to form over his eyes, and Star inched herself even closer to him.

_Please talk to me…I’m begging you, Marco, please…_

“I’m sorry.” 

She blinked. “What?”

A trembling breath rattled in Marco’s chest as he inhaled. “I survived. When I shouldn’t have.”

Something that vaguely resembled fear and clearly resembled anguish wound its tight coil around Star’s heart. “Marco, don’t talk like that. Don’t you _ever_ talk like that.”

“You weren't there.” His voice was stronger now, his jaw set, his mouth twisting further downward, and Star almost backed off. But something rooted her to the spot, the pull in her chest that told her Marco needed her there. That he wasn’t going to go any further if she wasn’t the supporting wife she had vowed to be.

“You’re right. I wasn’t.”

“I...I’m so glad you weren’t, Star.”

It was the first time he had said her name since before they parted for battle, and she felt an instant lump rise in her throat, pushing the tears up to her eyelids. And just as her loved ones had told her, she stayed quiet and waited for him to come to her.

“The centaurs had released this gas into the air. You couldn’t smell it, but as soon as you breathed it in, you…” Marco swallowed, linking his fingers through hers. “Once soldiers started dropping, we all scrambled for our scarves, helmets, anything to cover our faces. Higgs had nothing, so I offered her mine. She gave me that look she always used to give, like I was the stupidest person in the world. _‘You won’t die today, Sire’_ , she said.”

His chin quivered, making Star tighten her hold, her other hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “She always knew I was inadequate on the front lines. But I’m still the King. I’m supposed to put my life before my troops. Higgs wouldn’t hear of it. She tackled me to the ground, she was so desperate to go into that cloud after them before I had the chance to.” His voice broke, “And she did…” 

“Marco, you don’t have to pretend to be strong for me,” Star whispered, the smallest of sad smiles playing at her lips. “I’m your best friend.”

It was as if that combination of words was the key to opening the gate trapping Marco’s emotions behind its cold unyielding fortress. His face flushed and crumbled, his free hand covering his eyes as his wife slid her arms around his shoulders, pressing her lips to his temple while deep convulsions shuddered through his form, rocking the bed beneath them.

“I f-found her crawling on the ground covered in mud, still trying to go after that herd. Kelly and I were there, and I had Higgs in my arms. She gave me the dirtiest look for going after her...and that...th-that was it.”

“I know, it’s okay,” Star breathed, cradling him as if she could physically contain his sorrow, even though she knew he had to release it for his own sake. “Go ahead and cry...I’m right here.” He curled into her, practically lying in her lap like the weight of this burden was too much for him to bear. And she simply gathered him closer, rocking him like a child while he sobbed and sobbed. Yes, her Marco was back. Even though the cost was seeing him like this, so utterly destroyed that Star could hardly stand it. There was nothing she could do except whisper empty comforting words and kiss his hair while he soaked the front of her nightdress, clinging to the woman who was his rock.

The candle wicks burned low in the lanterns around the bedroom when Star felt Marco calm against her, the dimmed light indicating the hours that had passed. His eyes were closed with tears still clinging to his lashes, but his breathing was deep and even. Asleep at last, and Star didn’t dare move for fear of waking him. Resting her head against the cushioned blue headboard, her idle fingers wove gently through his thick dark hair, feeling his warm breath through the damp fabric on her chest.

Hugging. It was how they had always shown their love without words, how they had assured and consoled each other for years. Nothing about that had changed, even though the situations they were forced to face were becoming more grave the older they got. Star couldn’t say she was happy in that moment, having just watched her husband cry himself to sleep, but her heart did feel lighter. Time would only tell if Marco was on the path to being his old self again. 

 _Well, have you been your old self again since Mom died?_ she asked herself bluntly. Not really. Her life had become a bit worse without her mother’s ever-reliant presence. It wasn’t fair to expect the same of Marco when she could never go back to that level of carefree happiness she once had. She was a changed woman. While she would never lose that spark of joy, that streak of recklessness, or that compassionate heart that loved her family and her kingdom, a sobering temperament had developed to keep her feet on the ground. Part of it came from Marco’s influence, and even more parts of it came from every new step of her life’s journey: Having Pandora, losing her mother, fighting her battles, the list went on…

The queen hadn’t even realized she had fallen asleep until her head jolted up from the headboard, looking around to see almost no candlelight illuminating their surroundings. She was even more startled to feel that rivulets of silent tears had run from her eyes over her cheeks and down her neck. Marco stirred against her, probably disturbed by her sudden movement, and he sat up to blearily peer around the room.

“What time is it?” he asked raspily.

“Almost four in the morning,” Star answered, glancing at the clock on the nightstand. Then her eyes found his, staring just as intently as hers were. She was sure she looked as terrible as he did, but the thick tension in the room had dissipated, leaving their hearts open and bared. A sure sign to Star that they were on the right track once more.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Marco whispered, his hand reaching up to wipe away the salty streams on her face. “I just don’t think I’m ever gonna measure up to the man you need me to be. That _Mewni_ needs me to be. ‘Cause the second the going got tough, I fell apart.”

“Marco, I don’t need you to be a champion warrior king,” Star shook her head, holding his hand against her cheek. “I have never for one second blamed you for what happened to Higgs.” She bit her lip, a hot bubble beginning to rise in her throat. “But yeah, I was hurt by your silence. And I did blame you for abandoning us. I didn’t tell your parents because I didn’t want them to worry, and everyone else told me to just wait for you.”

“Thanks for that. I’m sorry I took so long,” Marco sighed, pressing his forehead to hers. “I...I dunno what’s wrong with me. But I remember at one point thinking that if I left or stayed silent, you’d eventually hate me so much that you’d strip my title away. Like I deserved.”

Star’s jaw was practically on the floor, pushing her forehead away from his. “There’s nothing you could do that would make me hate you. _Ever._ I love you, Marco. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else in my life. And I need you to be a husband and a father.” Her voice strangled with emotion, she cupped her hands around his face and forced him to look directly at her. “I could handle this, Marco. I managed to get by, even though I was dying inside every time you took off on Nachos or left some portal behind. But how could you do this to Pandora?”

Marco’s face filled with anguish once more. “Pandora…”

“She’s still a baby, Marco, she doesn’t get this! All she wants to do is hug you and make it better, and I have to tell her over and over that she can’t. Because Papa’s sad, Papa wants to be alone, Papa doesn’t wanna talk or play. She thinks you _hate_ her!”

 _“God,”_ Marco wept, pressing his fist to his mouth. “What did I do — what did I _do?”_

“I can forgive you for my sake, Marco,” Star began to sob, gripping his shoulders as he broke down. “But you have a daughter now. Leaving isn’t an option anymore.”

“I’ll make it right…” He collapsed into her arms, pressing kisses to her collarbone in a tender plea for redemption. “I-I have to make this right.”

“You will,” his wife soothed, her voice easing out of its harsh edge at Marco’s remorse. “You know Pandi. She’s a stubborn lil’ peanut, but I can’t see her holding a grudge against you.” 

In all honesty, she could only hope she was right.

 

* * *

 

Marco was gone when Star woke up later that morning, finding it suspicious that she was able to completely splay herself over the whole mattress. There was a slight degree of panic at finding him missing again. She immediately called Wesley down at the stables, but he confirmed that Nachos was slumbering in her stall. That relaxed her racing heart a bit, and she swung her legs over the side of the bed to head out and ask the guards of his whereabouts.

She didn’t need to. Down the hall in Pandora’s nursery, she could hear two very familiar voices whispering together behind the slightly ajar door. Positioning herself carefully, Star could just make out Marco through the crack between the door and wall, sitting in the rocking chair with Pandora in his lap.

“I’m not gonna be able to do this soon,” she heard him say. “You’re getting too big for my lap.” 

Pandora was uncharacteristically quiet, sucking on two fingers while she stared up at her father, more out of curiosity than wonderment. “Papa hug?”

Marco let out a soft laugh, “‘Course you can have a hug.” The princess got on her knees and hoisted herself up, wrapping her arms around his neck as she nestled against him. Star’s heart broke at the way Marco’s face scrunched as he buried his nose in her little shoulder. She felt terrible about all the anger and resentment she had held against him this past month. Especially in regards to their daughter and her confusion at his behavior. Pandora hugged him so hard, eliciting a cough from Marco as she came close to cutting off his windpipe, letting out a contented little sigh when she was safe in her papa’s arms.

“I’m sorry, Pandi...I am so, so sorry.”

“You were mad,” Pandora whimpered. “Mad at me?”

 _“No,_ sweetie no, not at all,” Marco nearly sobbed. “I was mad at _me._ I...I felt like I let Mama down because Higgs died.”

“As-ta not mad. As-ta sad.”

“Yeah, I’m sure Astra’s sad.” 

“Mama sad, too. And me. Don’t leave.”

“I’m not gonna leave, I promise,” he mumbled into her shoulder as he started to rock her. “Papa’s here to stay.”

“Forever?”

“‘Til the day I die.”

Star leaned her back against the wall, pressing her hand to her heart as she fought against the tears pooling into her eyes. _Wish you could see this, Higgs. You too, Mom._ Her family might be getting smaller year by year, but those who remained were only getting closer. There were a lot more years of heartbreak ahead, and perhaps more periods of alienating ways to dealing with that heartbreak. Perhaps next, it would be her riding off on a warnicorn into the horizon far from her husband and child, literally _or_ figuratively.

All she could cling to was the hope that her family would wait until she came back to them.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are great, but comments are better :)


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